How often do you discuss your sexual appetite? This should be discussed like most people discuss a favorite type of movie or a food preference. It should be an extensive conversation with your partner. I think you should be discussing how much and what types of sex you enjoy in and out of the bedroom.
Just like with anything in a relationship, you should be on the same page with your partner. If one of you is at a different pace this can create a problem. If you can’t have this conversation when you start banging then you’ll never cross the finish line at the same time. If one person is in over-drive and the other is in neutral then there will be a wreck all over your sheets with no satisfaction for either partner. Lets peel back the layers, shall we?
If you are in a relationship with someone and there is no sex aren’t you just BFF’s at the end of the day? I mean what is a BFF? Someone you spend time with, get along with, share with, and possibly live with. A best friend forever is an intimate friend without the intimacy that leads to banging. Think about it. You and your partner are BFF’s if you don’t click on EVERY level.
I am one chick in a group of the most wonderful guys ever - I mean it. They are genuine, successful, hilarious, and just down to earth. They are ‘dream-men’ for every chick they come across or they should be if they are smart. Just so you know, crazy bitches need not apply. Some of my boys are married and some are still kickin it. The thing is, no matter how great they are, and trust me they are hot on top of everything else, I am not sleeping with any of them. They are my brothers so for one that would be gross. Two, we are BFFs, we just chill and laugh. Their wives are cool with me cause they know where I’m coming from. There’s no drama. I brought this up to remind you that guys and girls can be tight with one another without sex. It’s good to have those relationships in your life so you can understand the opposite sex and where they are coming from.
But we have needs. Lord knows we have needs. As human beings we have sexual needs and urges. Why deny those? I know the church has a lot to do with this, because some people want us to be pious and believe in reproduction only. Well, hate to break it to a lot of Christians, but there was a lot of sex before Christianity. We are humans! We have male and female parts. You do not have to suffocate your sexuality to be a Christian.
I see friends who allow their sex drive to go dormant. The passion you had just goes away? WHY??? When a person checks out sexually the other person in the relationship suffers. Your partner is not having their needs met. I would wager to say that it’s like telling the other person that their needs are less important than yours. Lets think about what happens when needs don’t get met. What do you do? You masturbate, you get frustrated and fights start. If no one says, “I’m rubbing one out, cause I’m pissed and horny” then some shit will surely hit the fan. You’re going to have a cheating spouse on your hands or you’re the one that’s going to be the cheater! I believe people who give random acts of sex, or kindness, in the relationship takes the relationship to a whole new level.
If you are a bit of a freak and your partner objects, you’re probably going to get bored. Hate to break it to you. I mean, missionary can only go so far. Doggie-style can only go so far. At least you can get yourself bent over a chair or a counter-top to mix things up. Having a conversation and pin pointing what you are comfortable with and willing to try can be fun and mandatory for the success of your relationship. I think the key is: comfort.
Your comfort level is VERY IMPORTANT. If you are not comfortable then for the love of sex: DON’T DO IT! Be honest. Tell your partner how you feel and talk about it before humping it away. Sex, for the most part, isn’t a solo venture. You can and should compromise. However, if doing it will make you miserable then DON’T DO IT! It’s not healthy to go past your comfort level because it will cause resentment. I, for one, will not tie things around my neck. I cut the necks out of t-shirts for goodness sake. It’s non-negotiable. I make things clear for you and you should make things clear for your partner.
Fact is, you exchange fluids, emotions, so take the time and open up about what is going on inside your head. Your partner wants to hear your thoughts and opinions…and so do I.
Let me hear your thoughts, questions, etc. So, don’t forget to comment.
May you have Bacon and Head!
For me, communication is the number one factor in the success of a relationship. I agree that the bedroom should be discussed just as openly as finances, children, how you spend your free time etc. My question is what do you do when you have different sexual appetites? When one person prefers to eat at the 24 hour all you can buffet and the other person enjoys a good meal but operates on typical restuarant business hours?
ReplyDeleteWith all things there is a compromise that can be met. I am not saying that if there is difference that things are doomed. They are if there are major differences and no common ground can be met. I think by keeping the communication lines open. If this is a matter of schedules being off and fatigue then make sure you express that so that insecurities don't show themselves. I think by keeping these things in the mix you should find some suitable operating hours that you both can be happy with.
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