How on Earth Are We Supposed to Meet People with Everyone Dressed in Emotional Body Armor?

How often do you wear your emotional body armor?   Do you ever stop slaying your dragons or inner demons?  Do you feel safe enough to take off your body armor in front of your spouse? Do you even know you’re wearing it?

I know I’m guiltier than most of wearing body armor, and not knowing when to take it off.   I say that I want to let my guard down, but I find comfort in keeping people at an emotional distance so I don’t get hurt.

What is it that gets us to this point? I know I’ve made some real shitty choices in loving the wrong person.   I look back and wonder what was it? Was it them? Was it me? Was it our combined emotional maturity level?   That makes the most sense.  For me, I’ve had some baggage in the form of an abusive relationship that was a mess, and I think that’s the main reason I wear my body armor.

When you first meet people you don’t want to seem desperate - like you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve.  It’s the uncertainty of what the other person is really thinking or feeling, and what they have to give.  After all, we do feed off what others give us and how they treat us. What can we do to ensure ourselves in the person we’re getting to know?  Once you’ve found someone you want to spend time with, how easy does your body armor come off?

You don’t want to show that you have a ‘Sybil’ side.  We all get angry, fearful , uncertain, and we have a side that really likes them.  We’re afraid of showing too much, because we don’t want it to be a turn off.  This hesitation comes from getting burned and no one wants to repeat the hurt, right?

WE ALL HAVE TO LET GO!  

We have to grow from the pain that we came from and have faith that we are leading ourselves in the right direction. All our choices lead us down certain paths and bring us to a final destiny. Certain people have been brought into our lives to show us something about ourselves: what we want and what we don’t want. We learn what works for us and what doesn’t.  We learn how to react in certain scenarios, better cope with those around us and we’re more equipped to venture down a path that works.

WE CAN’T BE AFRAID!

A dear friend said this to me years ago: you can’t dismantle your emotional armor until you spend time with someone that compliments you instead of complicates you.  How are you supposed to find this person when you have losers around you?  You have to trust that this has nothing to do with bank account, looks, or any of that other superficial nonsense.  It’s about where you are and where your partner is.  You’re never going to find the right person without trusting and trying.

BUT DON’T BE STUPID EITHER! 

I mean if someone is having more troubles than you are in their life, there’s a lot of pressure on the relationship.  You can’t help someone feel better about him or her self.  You can only support them, but you can’t walk their path for them.  You can’t change their mental outlook, so don’t hold yourself up from going down your correct path.

Those are my two cents...what are your thoughts and views on emotional body armor? How attached are you to yours?  Can you let go?

Here’s to a life with Bacon and Head!

Do You Know Your Appetite?

How often do you discuss your sexual appetite? This should be discussed like most people discuss a favorite type of movie or a food preference. It should be an extensive conversation with your partner.  I think you should be discussing how much and what types of sex you enjoy in and out of the bedroom.

Just like with anything in a relationship, you should be on the same page with your partner. If one of you is at a different pace this can create a problem. If you can’t have this conversation when you start banging then you’ll never cross the finish line at the same time. If one person is in over-drive and the other is in neutral then there will be a wreck all over your sheets with no satisfaction for either partner.  Lets peel back the layers, shall we?

If you are in a relationship with someone and there is no sex aren’t you just BFF’s at the end of the day? I mean what is a BFF? Someone you spend time with, get along with, share with, and possibly live with.  A best friend forever is an intimate friend without the intimacy that leads to banging. Think about it. You and your partner are BFF’s if you don’t click on EVERY level. 

I am one chick in a group of the most wonderful guys ever - I mean it. They are genuine, successful, hilarious, and just down to earth. They are ‘dream-men’ for every chick they come across or they should be if they are smart.  Just so you know, crazy bitches need not apply. Some of my boys are married and some are still kickin it. The thing is, no matter how great they are, and trust me they are hot on top of everything else, I am not sleeping with any of them. They are my brothers so for one that would be gross. Two, we are BFFs, we just chill and laugh. Their wives are cool with me cause they know where I’m coming from. There’s no drama. I brought this up to remind you that guys and girls can be tight with one another without sex. It’s good to have those relationships in your life so you can understand the opposite sex and where they are coming from.

But we have needs.  Lord knows we have needs.  As human beings we have sexual needs and urges. Why deny those? I know the church has a lot to do with this, because some people want us to be pious and believe in reproduction only. Well, hate to break it to a lot of Christians, but there was a lot of sex before Christianity.  We are humans!  We have male and female parts.  You do not have to suffocate your sexuality to be a Christian.

I see friends who allow their sex drive to go dormant. The passion you had just goes away?  WHY???  When a person checks out sexually the other person in the relationship suffers. Your partner is not having their needs met. I would wager to say that it’s like telling the other person that their needs are less important than yours. Lets think about what happens when needs don’t get met. What do you do? You masturbate, you get frustrated and fights start. If no one says, “I’m rubbing one out, cause I’m pissed and horny” then some shit will surely hit the fan.  You’re going to have a cheating spouse on your hands or you’re the one that’s going to be the cheater!  I believe people who give random acts of sex, or kindness, in the relationship takes the relationship to a whole new level.

If you are a bit of a freak and your partner objects, you’re probably going to get bored.  Hate to break it to you.  I mean, missionary can only go so far.  Doggie-style can only go so far.  At least you can get yourself bent over a chair or a counter-top to mix things up. Having a conversation and pin pointing what you are comfortable with and willing to try can be fun and mandatory for the success of your relationship.   I think the key is: comfort. 

Your comfort level is VERY IMPORTANT.  If you are not comfortable then for the love of sex: DON’T DO IT!  Be honest. Tell your partner how you feel and talk about it before humping it away. Sex, for the most part, isn’t a solo venture.  You can and should compromise. However, if doing it will make you miserable then DON’T DO IT!  It’s not healthy to go past your comfort level because it will cause resentment.  I, for one, will not tie things around my neck. I cut the necks out of t-shirts for goodness sake.  It’s non-negotiable.  I make things clear for you and you should make things clear for your partner.

Fact is, you exchange fluids, emotions, so take the time and open up about what is going on inside your head.  Your partner wants to hear your thoughts and opinions…and so do I.

Let me hear your thoughts, questions, etc.  So, don’t forget to comment.

May you have Bacon and Head!

Do you like BACON or the veggie/turkey equivalent? Do You Like HEAD?

Just the mentioning Bacon and Head (which is a shortened phrase for Breakfast in bed) makes me tingle a little.

Are you comfortable telling your likes and dislikes about sex to your partner? Are you able to come together in those times of sexual need?  Is your partner’s sex drive running a NASCAR qualifier, while yours remains neutral in pit lane? Welcome to Bacon and Head!  We’ll have you crossing the finish line together in no time.

First, what does Bacon and Head mean? I think a person’s two favorite things are: BACON and HEAD.  I personally believe, what could be better than having them at the same time.

As females, we are told the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We don’t really have to stop there.  It should really be about keeping the belly full and the balls empty. 

I don’t want the ladies to think I’m all about pleasing the man, because we both know it can and should go both ways. 

All the things in this blog are based on my opinions, some research and interviewing people. The interviews will include both men and women of a variety of sexual orientations. The questions will be about what keeps them into their partners, how they get out of sexual ruts, and other questions I happen to feel like asking.

Why did I decide to do this? Well my biggest fear when it comes to committing is that the sex dies. I have seen too many long term relationships just cease to have the passion they did in the beginning. Why in the hell does that happen? Thanks for accompanying me on my journey to find out. Maybe committed relationships won’t freak me out as much.

Please feel free to post thoughts, questions (No question in the bedroom is too big or too small!), or comments to the blogs.  I am sure I am not the only one who finds this interesting.

Here’s to a life with Bacon and Head!